When nothing is sure, everything is possible.
- Margaret Drabble
Days grow warmer as life here moves into the brilliance of midday and the certainty of all things - classes, meditation, meals, connecting with others, reading, washing clothes, bucket baths, and all the mundane activities that provide structure to the day.
At the same time, whether it's the " magic " of India or shedding the buffers of one's comfortably controlled life at home - my ordinary routes of escape and retreat have been removed, and I am left open and vulnerable to what does Margaret Drabble say? --- to EVERYTHING.
Do I gotta love it?
No end to the possibilities!
From moments of suffering (Dukkha) to peace/surrender (Sukkha), it's all being observed. The cockroach and butterfly syndrome (see below) exists within the background hum of it ALL.
And so not knowing sets me free to find out what happens if I eat this, go there, ask for that, rise for yoga in the middle of the night, or try another back bend?
Ah, beloved/dreaded Backbend, are all my stories about you true? Do I really resist you as much as I say I want you? Is my intense focus on you causing me to futilely grasp? Am I doomed to frustration? And uh-oh, might I be too old?
And can I substitute a noun for anything I want in place of "backbend" and ask the same questions?
Maintaining my practice and living with curiosity seem to be the only way to find out. There is a saying that what is true on the mat is true off the mat.
I want to know Truth.