6/20/18

Once upon a Time and the Big Bang




How did it come to be almost summer?
Where is yesterday's snow? 
In the all at once? In the every little thing?
Was there a huge cloud?
Was there a big crowd?
Isn't the heat oppressive?
Do you remember that time? 
Wasn't it a windless, cloudless day? 
Do you remember that sound? 
Was there a big bang?
Isn't the heat oppressive? Shivering from the cold?

 now     forever    now 
ever becoming
finished
inhale 
the exhale
 infinitely finite

know naught
we astronauts
k n o w  n o t
the endless knot
the imponderable
m  e  t  a


In my little universe, the novel Buried Giant comes to mind right now. Ichiguro's focus on memory and writing style made me wonder if I had forgotten part of the story. It felt like I was experiencing the same memory gaps as his characters. What an example it is of art expressing  the truth of our human reality, worlds better than any explaining could ever do.

So...wondering if it's time to quit all this wordy stuff. The truth, from cosmic to mundane cannot be expressed—pointed, glimpsed at maybe—as the moon is reflected in water. Nevertheless, here's my little world of—healing shoulders, yoga mats, art, music, meditation, changing relationships, growing awareness and joy. 

Have learned so much humility and acceptance from this rascally and injurious shoulder! 10 months (since surgery) and every single day I get on my mat - not knowing or having a clue how it will feel or if what I do to "regain" my practice will injure it. 

An adventure it is. Outer space it is. And is this not true about (my) life in general? I think so. 

Every day, if we are open (or forced to be open to it, like YT) is a completely new experience and discovery. Why you are fearing, Sharath used to say to me. No answers yet, my Teacher,  just the freedom that comes from walking into and experiencing a garden.....variety of fears. 

And more—every day I grieve, am outraged, and feel helpless during these times of political turmoil and cruelty. Nightmares come true. Surely beyond voting in November there must be a way right now in particular to relieve suffering and affect change. 

Have been fostering cats, thinking about all of the above, and watching how the ultimate clarity of a retreat becomes altered as "ordinary" life resumes. I am open to wherever things lead and to what ever role appears in this journey. Hope it shows up soon. I'm not young. 

LOVE



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